he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
what day is it and did you see me today?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
