how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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