You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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