im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
