i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
