You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
