I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
