I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
