all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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