it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
