I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize