Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
