He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
