she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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