A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the day after is always just damage control
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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