You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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