i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
