shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
