bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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