Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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