Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
