FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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