My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
