I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
