remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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