I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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