i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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