i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
