What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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