there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
