Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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