just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
