I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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