You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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