I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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