i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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