Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
