Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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