It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
