I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You took a bar mat shot.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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