My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
