I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
