they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
