His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
