birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Im part way to drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
