i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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