I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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