I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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