Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
