no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
