hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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