So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
