Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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