Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
