I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
