I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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