Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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