im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
