It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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