A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
