did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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