Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
