You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
