she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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