i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
