I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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