You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
