It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
