Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dick very happy bro
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
