singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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