All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
