Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
