Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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