yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
