I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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