umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
