if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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