all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
